Caring Enough To Confront

One of my brothers gave me that sage wisdom when I was in middle school...do you care enough about someone to confront them or just let them go on as usual?....about too much eye-shadow, some character trait, some slight you feel towards or from them...you get the idea.
I talk too much. I have been wrestling with this my entire life, but very intensely over the last couple of years. I chatter away incessantly when I am nervous & want to be liked or accepted. I talk too much when my sleep has been messed up. I cover depression by talking too much....I feel knotted up afterwards...& am always filled with questions I wanted to ask people about themselves....


A couple of years ago, a group of beloved people all but dropped me for reasons that over time, just didn't add up.....All sorts of things have run through my head. I guess, rather than talking to ME about it, they talked to each other about me... I recently learned that it was because I talk too much...Rather than confronting me & "hurting [my] feelings", those people chose to virtually step out of my life...Of course, that wasn't a conscious decision..."Indecision is a decision"...
Perhaps, they were put in my life to be God's voice & give me the answer I so earnestly prayed for..... In the long run, which would have been the kinder thing to do? How many friends & loved ones have I lost over this? Even as I was wrestling with it, myself....

Different Perspectives

Same time, same place. What a difference a day makes !

Gifts of Gold

Yesterday was my birthday & I set out in the morning with an air of new beginnings. Passing the baby wrens, eyes now open on day 6, I decided to head for the familiar docks below. I haven't been there in over a week. As I hit "The Glade", I was astonished to be met by a buzzing sea of gold !! This area has not been tended due to the neighbors closing off the main access [see April 26 post]. As so often is the case, God brings delight from deceit. He brings glory from amidst our suffering. The flat land between the steep & the shore has erupted into a sensual oasis of golden blossoms amidst delicate mimosa type fronds.


The sound & movement of hundreds of carpenter bees brought it absolutely to life ! Sitting amidst this, with flower stalks easily to my shoulders, it seemed to have no end. I gazed upon the bees, their droning music all around & watched them work, their furry legs already heavily laden with pollen. Awaiting me, too were many other flowers & I had such a time of wonder with my maker. What a great way to start my "new year"!
In the afternoon, I lounged in the pool, watching a pair of goldfinches alight above me. The males' vivid yellow so stark against the black trim was amazing & set against the Carolina blue sky it was almost overwhelming in it's beauty !!


My heart has been heavy for many of you who write to me of your trials. I really do understand how difficult it is to cleave to hope when all around the darkness closes in. Cling to this hope: "Weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning" (Psalm 30:5)!! Though you feel your faith is deep enough, & your night has been far too long, He knows your limits & He walks the way beside you. I pray for you as I "watch" & throughout my days. Driving around this "growing area", each day I see additional businesses closed & houses in foreclosure...I think of & pray for you. To you & all others who come across this, I offer up this "Sea of Gold", my birthday present to you & yours, as a promise & a hope.

As the adage recalls, "When you reach the end of your rope, you will find the hem of His garment".

Baby Wrens, Day 5

All 4 babies are sporting wonderful mohawks ! They began to tweet on day 3. Today, the merest shadow over their still closed eyes sets them reaching for momma. They are, howe3ver smart enough that if the nest is turned, they silently recede into their nest. (To get an idea on size, the nest is made of grass, not twigs.)

Steps of Change

There is a dense cloud cover this morning ~the feel of autumn breezes, even as I arose just passed 4. The clouds race by overhead. The miry thick air, is dense with anticipation. No breaks in the cloud masses can be seen anywhere on the horizon. Birds call & sing as I enjoy perhaps, my last dawn on these vacant steps. It is one place I pray for neighborhood issues. I will return to the pond-side bench, or the rock on the edge of my driveway...I've spent countless hours on these steps...praying for those who God would bring to this empty house.
Time has taught me the enormous difference one household can make in the dynamics of a neighborhood. Yes, I have spent many hours here, praying...only to have God lead the family of a co-worker ~ fellow-believers ~ here, to this obscure little piece of the city. Handing over my prayer steps will be a symbol of change & new life....a new beginning for the neighborhood, for friends, for the end of summer & the beginning of a new school year. They shall primarily be a symbol of promise & answered prayers & of God's working everything out for His Mighty purpose. I look over the strife of recent months, things I have shared with you in a vague, generalized sort of way...and I CAN see blessings. I have been blessed with new friends, & support...days together with folks who pitched in helped me, physically & in prayer.
As I face another birthday & a new school year, it really IS time for change. Throughout my life I have said, "I don't do change well". In my journal today, this verse was printed: " He hath made every thing beautiful in His time...." (Ecc. 3:11)...change IS a good thing.