Passages

My earliest years are filled with awe & wonder from my grandmothers' adventures to other lands. It fascinated me that one could step off of a plane & be in another culture...another world. As far back as I can remember I dreamed of living in England. To a little girl, that's where all the castles & princes & knights on white steeds are.The yearning intensified in my teens as I read & reread the works of Tolkien. My parents sent me to spend more than a semester in a little village outside of Oxford. The months before I left were a jumble of emotion. I would be thousands of miles from all that I knew. On the eve of my departure I was nearly bursting with excitement & terrified, too. I found my beloved kitty curled up in my suitcase & I clung to all that I held dear....It was a life-changing adventure! My life in England was all that I expected & so much more! I felt like I was finally "home".
Some years ago, I spent 2 long, weeks awaiting a diagnosis which would have given me but months to live. Reality hit me full force & to this day, my initial reaction still shocks me. "I get to go home?!?!!It's really over?! I get to meet my Lord !!!?!" I could almost see the gemstone rainbows, the emerald sea, the Light & the Love from my Heavenly Father...Excitement & anticipation overwhelmed me. Once again, I would journey alone to a home far away. At the same time, I was filled with a deep sadness for my husband, young son, family & friends...& for people I would never be able to reach out to...Was I ready for this? Had I done all that I could? How would I stand before my God & King?
In recent months, I have found myself continually drained of energy. I have written about my struggles with sleep disorders. It turns out that my heart is just too full. My pressure is up & my system is wearing down. In time, all of this will be controlled with doctor's care, but I am reminded of glimmer of Light that awaits me when my work is finished.