Some years ago, I had a new friend & we were getting pretty close. One evening as we enjoyed the sunset, she shared some deeply intimate stuff. I have no idea what my reaction was...& believe me, I have replayed it in my head for these past years. I just remember I was concerned for her, but I don't recall being judgmental. That's really not my style. The next day, she was very "professional" & has remained so ever since...5 or 6 years. Whenever I asked her what was up, she remained courteous, distant, removed. I have felt confusion, hurt, regret...(for what, I still don't know). Mostly I have been utterly baffled. I had to let it go...
This is the season that I harvest the rich, dark-chocolate colored 4 o'clock seeds. I have done this so often the female hummingbird now joins me. I find myself replaying the confusion of that broken alliance, as well as several more recent hurts. I also find myself thinking of a new & very dear friend ~ a neighbor. I recently admitted to myself how very dear she is to me & then she called to tell me they are moving. Deep within, I thought to myself, "Yup, when you let people in...allow yourself to get close, they leave". Then it struck me: I don't really get together with people much anymore at all....Then, I made a connection! It was more of a revelation....Without even being aware of it, that passive abandonment by a friend had left me changed & I had closed off. I have taken for granted that my neighbor is just around the corner & now she will be across town. The closeness can remain, despite the proximity. I will have to be be more deliberate & intentional. I think I shall do this in many things & with many people.
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