Seasons of Friendship

When I moved out of my parent's home, my first housemate & I couldn't have been more different, one from the other. I was the wacky artist, teaching an alternative population & out to save the world. She was an orderly professional, on an upward climb in Congress. (Our 3rd housemate kept us from killing each another.) When our lease ran out, we eagerly went our separate ways, though mutual friends kept us in contact.
Once or twice a year, my family makes a pilgrimage "home" & to my continuing amazement, if we see no other friend, we always get together with her family. Funny how people grow & change. Marriage, children, work & of course, age have a way of shifting one's priorities. She & I don't keep in touch all that often but we are there for one another (as best as the 500+ miles between us allows).


Friends are often apart for varying seasons. Mature friendships understand & weather these times. As those seasons grow & wane in my own life, I always hear Linda's voice in my heart. "The true measure of a grown-up friendship isn't how much time you spend together, it's that you can pick right up where you left off when you do see one another".

Flaws & All

Adult friendship is something I wrestle with. Those closest to me are busy with families & day-to-day life, as am I. We may only see each other a few times a year, but time together melts away our months apart. Living over 500 miles away from where I grew up has led to many such relationships. We may reminisce some, but soon we are united in the present. Distance dissolves as we share in the bond of our daily struggles & joys. As we confide our heartaches & adventures, laughter abounds.
When I am continually told what I “should do” to “fix” myself I simply hear how broken I am. Friends uplift one another. They guide & reflect when asked, but share a common understanding of love despite imperfections. We commiserate & jest over our foibles. I am embraced for all that I am, not for just parts of me. My faith & my teaching are integral to who I am. Editing them out of conversation is to be someone other than myself. Friends don’t impose their lifestyles on each other. Friends don’t come into my house & tell me to throw things away, nor do I enter theirs & tell them to throw things around…. We accept each other for how we live as well as for who we are. Friends embrace each other for who & where they are, without need to change one another.
What would the holidays be like if shared in the love of friendship?

Sage Wisdom

I went to college near the mountains in S. VA. One year I took weekend retreats over to Tidewater. I do not recall much about those trips, but one stands out due to the simple utterance of a friend. Jerry was a writer & a poet, an artist & philosopher. At a key point in my life, I found a peer who was also a Watcher. He taught me about glow worms & beavers & countless other things. Once we sat up half a night trying to mix a "new color". The words he spoke were few, but deep & insightful.
Late one night, we made our way across the state without anther car in sight. I slowly slid from one dark, lane to another, commenting, "I change lanes slowly". He casually remarked something like, "You don't change anything quickly". That has always stayed with me & given me pause for self-reflection. I do not do change well at all & have been going through a lot of it lately. I strive to be accepting with grace. During times of change in my life, Jerry's voice always comes back to me & helps me grow.
I wonder what I may have once uttered that stayed with someone...Is it a comfort or a thorn?

New Hurts Heal Old Wounds

Some years ago, I had a new friend & we were getting pretty close. One evening as we enjoyed the sunset, she shared some deeply intimate stuff. I have no idea what my reaction was...& believe me, I have replayed it in my head for these past years. I just remember I was concerned for her, but I don't recall being judgmental. That's really not my style. The next day, she was very "professional" & has remained so ever since...5 or 6 years. Whenever I asked her what was up, she remained courteous, distant, removed. I have felt confusion, hurt, regret...(for what, I still don't know). Mostly I have been utterly baffled. I had to let it go...
This is the season that I harvest the rich, dark-chocolate colored 4 o'clock seeds. I have done this so often the female hummingbird now joins me. I find myself replaying the confusion of that broken alliance, as well as several more recent hurts. I also find myself thinking of a new & very dear friend ~ a neighbor. I recently admitted to myself how very dear she is to me & then she called to tell me they are moving. Deep within, I thought to myself, "Yup, when you let people in...allow yourself to get close, they leave". Then it struck me: I don't really get together with people much anymore at all....Then, I made a connection! It was more of a revelation....Without even being aware of it, that passive abandonment by a friend had left me changed & I had closed off. I have taken for granted that my neighbor is just around the corner & now she will be across town. The closeness can remain, despite the proximity. I will have to be be more deliberate & intentional. I think I shall do this in many things & with many people.